Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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