Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
