I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
