my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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