New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
