You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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