At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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