from now on my penis is your penis
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
