She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
