Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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