I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
