cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
