Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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