Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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