All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
