Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
you made out with another girl for some wings
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize