flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
