3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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