Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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