like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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