Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
