a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Mom said you looked used
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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