Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
