so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Randomize
