girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
