i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
