you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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