someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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