You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
