I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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