"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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