Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
