I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize