1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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