I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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