I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
