Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I am naked and annoyed.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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