one might say we're banned from that church
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
