i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize