I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
