My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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