so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize