If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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