Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
