She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
