Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
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