I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
