hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
