too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I would fuck him just for his dog
wow bdsm is so cute
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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