He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
