Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
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