I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
