There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize