i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
