well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
