I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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