dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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