I am puke
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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