youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
