was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
