At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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