YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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