Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
