The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
