I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
