There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
