Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
