got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
