so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize