Your tits are I can't wait for
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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